i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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