Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
