She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize