There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
