A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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