Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
