just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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