what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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