I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
