There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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