Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
