yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
