ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
