There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
