i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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