I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i would punch a child for taco bell
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
