Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it's like iHOP with fire
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
