Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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