I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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