I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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