We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
