Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
