I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
