You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
