i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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