batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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