I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Come see our sink grown plant.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
