So drunk its hurt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
