I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
