Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
