All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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