you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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