Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
