Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
