..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize