I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
