I just pynch a tree in the face
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
