considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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