I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
