I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
