Come see our sink grown plant.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
