She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
