I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
