i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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