I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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