Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
