so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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