There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My pussy is not your playground.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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