before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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