I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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