I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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