I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
