; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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