wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
