I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you never un-have a 4some
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
