it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
