): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
