we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
