After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
