so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
