Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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