dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
