glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
